rainbow. rain.

Will you give me your hand...for me to get up?

"The whole class result is worse. Majority failed." The voice of her, my beloved lecturer went through my ears.

My heart beated faster than usual. I knew i did it worse too.

"Mastura." The lecturer gave the paper, something that i wished that she would hold it and never give that thing to me. Nah, it's better not to know than know something that I know, it would break my heart into pieces.

I took the paper from her, closed the area that she wrote the mark. I barely not to see.

Well, i had to face the truth though. I opened it slowly.

And yes. It was like what i expected.

Worse. My heart broke into million pieces. You know how it feel, when you always go high on the sky and suddenly you crashed to the earth.

I forgot to be grateful that I passed eventhough with a very low mark that i never obtained before. I tried to hold my heart there, trying not to cry, trying to think positively...Thus i kept my mouth shut. Silent.

There were friends who were having their turn in doing the presentation. I heard them half way before suddenly i cried. heavily.

"Please ask for some tissue." I touched my friend's hand, without looking at her face. But she knew i cried. She held my shoulders, gave me pieces of tissues that she asked from my other friend.

"Mas, don't be like this." She said it slowly. I cried even more.

I felt guilty to my parents. They paid not in a little amount to send me here but what did i reply... A low mark, which surely gave a shame for me and maybe can be some sort of fitnah for Islam?

I cried and cried until i felt that there were no more tears left. Then I stopped.

"Sometimes we need to fall, in order to go further." My other friend tried to console my heart. I forced myself to smile.

My friends and I rushed to the lecturer's room just after the class ended.

"Puan, my spirit is down." I said, honestly.

"Why?"

"Because..well, you know. the marks." I looked down. My heart were still not in a good condition to talk about this anyway.

"It is my intention to make the students' spirits down. So that all of you would study more for the second test." She replied.

"Oh. But i don't know, i feel like everything is nothing now."

She gave me..well actually us, a motivation, and i felt a little bit calm after that.

my legs were weak, my heart were sad, i don't know, why i am very down for this semester. And yes, there are still, lots of projects to be settled before this month ends....And yes, i only understand little from the whole subjects.

If this is some sort of test from Allah, i do hope that He would strengthen me up too.. And i do hope prays from all of you.

I am really down and i don't know why...

Give me advices, motivating story or anything... Am i entitled for the right of ukhwah - something that we have to give advices for our brothers/sisters who asked for it?

I really, really need that now.

Exam is just around the corner...and I....

There's always a strike of rainbow, after the rain... right? :')